Back with a whimper

So there I was quietly minding my own business and getting on with life. The folk singing footwear dreams had stopped (mostly), my blood pressure was down and I had even managed a three hour stretch without moaning about something pointless or being sarcastic (bear in mind that I don’t usually manage that while sleeping so this is real progress).

So there I was quietly minding my own business and getting on with life until suddenly out of left field I thought it would be a good idea to reminisce on my past life and see if my blog was still active.

Why didn’t I just stop there?

Because I’m an idiot, that’s why.

And so in a fit of madness I decided to pen the immortal words “Is there anybody out there?”

And three of you just couldn’t let it lie.

So now here I sit remembering that for a while the rage had gone and I was a normal person – a normal person who’d chucked his lot in with the hippies, moved to Cape Town and was managing to have a reasonable stab at being a new father.

Well that’s all gone now, so on your head be it.

Anyway as you’d expect Cape Town is average at best. The mountain only comes out on Thursdays, it’s windier than a lentil munchers’ barn dance and it’s riddled with crime. I can testify to the crime aspect as only three weeks ago our house got robbed while we were out walking in the shadow of the bloody mountain.

This would never have happened in Joburg.

People often say that the invasion of privacy and your personal space is the worst aspect of a house robbery (clearly these people haven’t had the tied-up-and-held-at-gunpoint type of house robbery experience favoured in Gauteng). Some say that the worst aspect of a house robbery actually comes later when you become nervous about leaving the house empty and find excuses not to go out.

Bollocks.

The worst part about a house robbery is dealing with the bloody insurers. End of debate.

“But hold on your Afro-welshness, the insurers are just there to do a job and they have to have rules and regulations and stuff”.

Bollocks.

Where exactly in the insurance handbook is the section that requires victims of crime to go to shops and obtain quotes for replacement items?

I know you are thinking that getting a quote is a reasonable enough request and that as usual I’m getting annoyed about something trivial, but answer me this:-

If the insurance company is going to get you a replacement item from a central supplier and has no intention whatsoever of ordering said replacement from a store you’ve had to trek off to in order to get a quote...WHAT’S THE BLOODY POINT?

I swear there must be someone sitting in a call centre in an insurance firm at this very minute looking at a quote for a replacement BlackBerry from Vodacom laughing his or her minimum waged ass off.

“Oooohhhh....Vodacom want R6500 for a replacement handset, thank goodness we don’t order it from them otherwise it would cost us a lot of money”

Grrr.

“But wait your Afro-welshness, don’t you use a broker for your insurance which makes your life a lot easier?”

Bollocks.

Our brokers didn’t even bother to tell us we had to submit quotes. Instead they thought it would be much more fun to just get us to fill in some completely pointless forms and then just hang around until we eventually phone for an update on our claim. Good to see my monthly fee is going to good use you bunch of wastrels.

I needed that. Feel much better.